This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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