Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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