Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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