I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
