I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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