i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize