Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
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