Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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