We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
