I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just threw up on my dentist
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
