what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
