my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
