Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize