he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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