Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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