stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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