what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
