sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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