I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
