The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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