Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
