I could have mohawked her pubes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize