I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize