so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't turn off my feet"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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