nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
