do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
