I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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