I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
