This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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