Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
