Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
