ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
