Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
