There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
