Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
