1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
