Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
