I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
