Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
