Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
