"it" just moved
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
