I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
