Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
