can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
