apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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