I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
