You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
