How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
