i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
