pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
