My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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