I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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