im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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