I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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