Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
