i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
