god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
