i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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