haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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