there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
