Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
