When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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