We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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