I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize