im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
