I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
