good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize